The Damaged Heart and The Shattered Heart
by Shizuka Gin
Summary: Himeno feel that nobody needs her anymore. She attempted suicide, but Sasame saves her. Futurefic. Darkfic. One-shot. Happy ending though. HimenoSasame. Mild changes and re-edited... Please read and review!


I still remember when I first met the Liefe Knight. Sasame said "We need you" hit me really, really deep. At that time, I felt that no one needs me anymore. Again, I felt the same when I lost the power to prêt. Then again, I feel the same now.

Otousan had okaasama to take care of him now. I remember when okaasan just passed away, otousan fell into depression immediately. He could barely take care of both of us. When I reached 7, I had learnt to take care of the house, of otousan, of our finance with otousan's low pay, of myself, of my own grades and schoolwork. I don't blame otousan. It's just that I wish sometimes there's a person who is there to take care of me, protect me when I'm vulnerable, love me when I feel that no one does, need me like the air, know me like no one does… Now he has okaasama, Mawata-chan and Mayune, I seems to be unimportant

Yayoi have her family. She doesn't need me that much now that she had a boyfriend. I am seeing less and less of her except when we are in school. Even when we do chat nowadays, she is always talking about her boyfriend. I really do miss the old days when she would talk about her romance novels or teased me about my lack of crush. The distance between Yayoi and I are getting farther and farther.

The pot of plant, okaasan and I planted, which I named affectionately "okaasan" have flourished. Otousan will take care of it, just like that time when I ran away to protect my family.

After the battle with Saihi, all of the Liefe Knights had moved back to Liefenia. Though Kei still comes out everyday, he just can't seem to let go of his job here. Once in a while, the knights will come out and visit me. But it seems that they are all rather busy with their own peaceful life. Each of them went back to their own family since the Snow of Liefe revived all the people and land.

Takako and Sasame moved into the house that the knights built for me, but soon passed away due to an incurable blood cancer. When she was Saihi, the liefe she fed on prevent the cancer from spreading. Since she stopped feeding on liefe, the blood cancer started to spread. The only thing I am thankful is that was painless, but what I also regret is that since it was painless, it's undetected till she passed away peacefully in her sleep.

Sasame was devastated at that time, but slowly he recovered. He knew that Takako wanted him to move on, so he tried and succeeded. He learnt to cherish the memories of Takako and their time together. He still lives in the house even though it's filled with Takako's presence; he had learnt to cherish the memories and not to dwell in his misery. He had started visiting the orphanage as an escape from the house's memories, but he gradually changes his opinion as he had grown to love the children there.

Hayate had realized that he only loves me the brotherly way, so we broke up. Now he has found a girlfriend in Liefenia and was engaged. They intend to get married next year with me as the maid of honor. They have already started planning for it.

Mannen, Hajime and Shin are schooling in Liefenia. All of them are doing great, with rather good grades. They are all very contented with their family. They are the best of friends though Mannen and Hajime still argue, but most of their arguments are just affectionate bickering. Shin is still as kawaii as ever, earning lots of females cooing and fussing over him, but he had learnt not to cry so much.

Goh had opened a restaurant in Liefenia. His food is rather popular and his restaurant is often packed around lunch and dinner time. He had gotten married since his fiancée was revived. They are running the restaurant together. His wife is now five months pregnant, Goh is so excited when he first heard the news! He is a proud father-to-be who is always found fussing over his wife until she is ready to scream

As I said, Kei can't let go of his work here. So he continues to work here, but decided to continue living in Liefenia. Though sometimes he was so tired, he will crash in my house, which is pretty near his office. He is a famous game programmer now. With so many games was being programmed by him, I had lost count of it. He is so busy with his job so he is still single even though both the knights and I had introduced many woman to him in both Liefenia and Earth, but he always said he is not interested or he don't had the time for this. Seriously he is as frustrating as before, I really pity the woman who end up with him.

Me? I had finished school. I am working as a nurse in an old folk's home. Though the pay isn't very high, I really do enjoy the work there. But I still feel very empty like there is a big unmendable hole in my heart. Neither my family nor my patients can fill it. To avoid my family from finding out my depression, I had moved out shortly after my graduation. But instead of concealing my depression, this arrangement seems to worsen my depression. This isn't working out! I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper into depression, and my thoughts keep drifting to Sasame. To tell the truth, I had a crush on Sasame during the start of my Pretear days. When I found out that he loves Takako, I buried that feeling deep into my soul. Slowly, I built layers after layers of ice over that feeling. I forced myself to move on. Then I developed a crush for Hayate because he was beginning to warm up to me. But that faded very quickly. Two weeks after we started dating, he realized that he doesn't loves me that way. He and the knights went back to Liefenia. I graduated and started working. At first the feeling of uselessness was kept away by my various patients, but slowly the feeling began to creep back into my life. With that feeling, I recalled the time when I was unable to prêt, then the time when I first met the knights, then Sasame's words 'We need you'. I wondered if those words are meant to be temporary or permanent. I decided that it was just temporary as they all have their own life and they don't really need me anymore. But Sasame's words kept ringing in my head. Bit by bit, the memories flowed and feelings returned. The memories broke my layers of ice layer by layer, bit by bit. I know that I can't control that feeling, but I also know that I can never ever replace Takako's place in Sasame's heart. That began my depression… Not long after, otousan, okaasama, Mawata-chan and even Mayune asked me whether I'm okay, I decided to move out. I found an apartment near the old folk's home and moved in. But things just got worse when I moved into the apartment alone. I got lesser and lesser sleep because when I sleep, Sasame will haunt my dreams and when I'm starting to relax, Takako will always appear. Then she started accusing me of wanting to steal Sasame, her voice and accusations filled my head, jolting me awake. Sometimes her accusations even rang through my head when I am awake.

Finally, I can't take it anymore. No one need me anymore, I might as well be dead. I want to see my family and the knights one last time, so I went to visit otousan, okaasama, Mawata and Mayune first. Concerned, they asked about my health. Saying that I looked very pale and fragile, I just tell them that I am not feeling well. See? I am only causing more trouble and making other people to worry. After spending the whole afternoon with them, I decided to leave for Liefenia. I bade my family farewell and headed towards the pond. When I reached there, I called upon the gate and went through it, arriving at Goh's restaurant where the knight will meet every Sunday. Looks like I am just in time! After greeting everyone and various enquiries about my appearance, we sat down and started eating. I know that they are suspicious about my appearance and lack of appetite, but that shouldn't matter much, right?

After the dinner, we chatted about our job, life… Time flies when we are having fun, and soon it is time to leave. I said my goodbye to them and headed to a cliff I discovered a few visits ago. As I sat down on the edge of the cliff, my thoughts drifted to Sasame again. I remember the meeting at the pond where he said "We need you". I was thinking, "Finally, there is someone who needs me! Nowadays, it seems like no one needs me anymore. But… but… what if they are lying?' So I got up, spoke my mind and prepared to leave. Out of blue, Shin announce that the liefe in the water was very weak, without warning a mayouchuu appeared. Hayate had chased me away, but as I ran, voices rang through my head. Sasame's, Hayate's, my schoolmates'… Decision made, I ran back to the pond and prêt into Wind Pretear. To tell the truth, I'm still feeling rather guilty that I had caused Hayate to be injured. Sasame's calm, soothing voice and words had comforted me when I felt so guilty then. I also remember the time when I went to ask the knights for help and Sasame appeared. I am very surprised that he was standing so close to me, and I was so embarrassed. When he asked me to give him my hand, I was shocked! He wants me to prêt with him? "My liefe and your liefe, to create a new power. Come, let's become one" Those words had me blushing like mad. Can't he understand that there is a double meaning to those words? Prêt with him was a wonderful feeling like none other knight can give me, but I had not prêt with him for a long, long time. With others, we are like two souls in one body. But with Sasame, we are like two souls fused together. I don't know whether he felt the same, but that is what I felt. A few more memories drifted through my mind, like the time when he announced that he has been in love with Takako ever since they met. My heart splintered and shattered in unmendable pieces. But I guess I had hidden that rather well, no one mentioned anything afterward. Then he gave up the right of a Liefe Knight to become HER knight! Then my heart felt like it's being grounded into fine dust... After this incident, when I was positive that no one was around, my mask cracked and I totally broke down and cried for a long time. Luckily no one had stumbled over me then. During the final battle, things that Sasame had done for Takako had finally convinced me that he really, really in love with her. What can I do but to let him go? I gathered the dust of my heart and froze them back, for there's no way to put them back. When he died, a huge crack appeared, but I quickly mended that crack back with more ice. When I woke up from my 'Snow White's slumber', I saw Sasame holding Takako. I felt like my heart is finally numb from the pain and cold. Good, I thought. Then there will be no more pain… From then, I only felt the numbness when I saw them together. Perhaps that was Sasame felt when Takako was in love with Hayate? All I felt was the numbness until the damned dam broke and my tears, pain, agony and the dust of my heart slowly drowned me. Slowly, I shook my head to clear the last of the cobweb of memories and look up…

Awed, I see the sunrise, perhaps my first sunrise in months? Years? Only Kami knows? I had sat there until the sun had risen completely. I slowly wobbled up as I had sat there for hours and both of my legs had fallen asleep. "Aishiteru, Sasame…" I whispered before jumping down…

(Author notes: Since you bear with me for so long, I might as well continue before I lost the inspiration. Just keep scrolling down! )

As I fall, I can feel all of my burdens unload and loosen themselves from me. The longer I fall, the freer I feel! As I brace myself for the rough landing, suddenly warm arms caught and tighten around me. I opened the eyes that I didn't know I had closed and saw that my face is facing a lean, tone chest clothed with white, silver and lavender clothing. WAIT A MINUTE! White, silver and lavender clothing? Please... Kami, please don't let it be him! As much as I can wish and pray that this isn't him, some part of my mind already knows the answer. That unmistakable lavender scent that clung to his body. Kami must really hate me up there! First my unsuccessful suicide and now him? Shimatta! How long did he stand there? No! Please! Kami, please doesn't punish me like that! I fearfully bring up my head and peer at him under my lashes. Anger, shock, hurt, bewilderment, sadness, worry and affection and…… hints of love? flashes through his beautiful violet orbs. The last piece of information overwhelmed my tired brain, darkness flooded my view...

Sasame's POV

I was awaken by a feeling of uneasiness very early this morning. My instinct told me to go the cliff where I used to play when I was young, and I always trust my instinct. Quickly, I dressed and took off towards the cliff as the uneasiness increases. As I flew, I try to make sense of my cryptic sense of uneasiness. It is about someone very, very close to me. Someone very, very familiar. A woman. Himeno? I thought she went home? Speaking of Himeno, she seems to be rather sick yesterday night. Pale, dark circle, lack of appetite, seems to be in a very depressed mood… Sound like me when… when the knights and I just seal Saihi and we lost three of our best friends… Now why would a genki woman like Himeno be so depressed? A sound shakes me out of my musing. I strained to hear that. It sounds like someone standing on the edge of the cliff with the rocks tumbling down. I push myself to fly faster. It's Himeno! I was about to shout for her not to stand that near to the edge when a whisper stopped me. It sounds like, "Aishiteru, Sasame"? She loves me? Himeno loves me? When she had jumped down, a silent scream torn out of my throat and I was frozen onto the spot. When she disappeared from my sight, I sprang into action and started to fly so fast like never before. I dove down the cliff and flew headfirst down to catch up with her. When I caught up with her, I encircled my arms around her and struggled to stop before both of us crash to the ground below. I can feel her struggling for awhile before calming down. We had finally stopped the nosedive, I cradled her closely. Slowly, she brought her head up. All of a sudden, she fainted. A swirl of emotions surged through my body causing adrenaline to run amok in my body! I began to fly back to my house; my mind is a blissful blank during the flight. I flew up to my bedroom's window and went through it, instead of going through the locked front door. Gently I placed Himeno's body on my bed and slumped into an armchair nearby. I will just shut my eyes for 5 minutes, just 5 minutes…

Himeno's POV

I woke up on a very soft bed. A faint scent of lavender clung to the cover and blanket. Lavender? Lavender? I snapped my eyes open and look around. I am in Sasame's bed and he is sleeping on an armchair, snoring softly. He looks so adorable like this! Slowly and as quiet as I can, I began to remove the blanket and stand up. Trying to move as silently as possible, I padded towards the door but Sasame's low voice stopped me just when I had my hands on the door knob. "Why?" I could only stay in silence as I don't know which reason he is talking about? "Why what?" I managed to counter. "Why do you try to commit suicide? Why?" Sasame's voice continued to stay the same low pitch but the emotion behind those words were swelling to an uncomfortable height. "Why, you ask? No one needs me anymore. Otousan, okaasama and my two oneechan can take care of each other. Yayoi has her boyfriend. Mannen, Hajime, Shin, Goh, Hayate, Kei and you all have your own life in Liefenia. All of you have lives that don't have includes me, so why bother you all?" I screamed.

Sasame's POV

So that is why. We have been ignoring her ever since we moved back to Liefenia. In the past, we met up very often. Now? Only once a week, and we just ain't there for her anymore. This realization hit me very hard. We have been ignoring the person we swore to protect and help. Are we really that blind to Himeno's problems and feelings? Or have Himeno become too good at hiding her feeling? One more thing I want to ask her, the most important thing. "Did you really said "Aishiteru, Sasame" back at the cliff?" I asked slowly, not knowing how to phrase the question. "Yes, I did. Are you happy now? I know that your heart will always be Takako's so you don't need to say anything. I should be leaving now. Sayonara, Sasame." She whispered, but my element allows me to hear them as clear as a bell. I was shocked. This woman who I love since the first meeting with her said that she loves me? I remember because Hayate was interested in Himeno, so I gave her up and buried that love as deep as I can. I refocused my love back to Takako. I had convinced both the others and myself that I had truly in love with Takako. But when she passed away, I wasn't inconsolable like when I sealed her away. That is why I began to distance myself away from Himeno! I was trying to remain faithful to a woman I once loved. When I snapped out of my thoughts, Himeno is gone. I ran to the window and saw her call upon the gate to Earth. I followed her back to Earth. I decided to watch her carefully and see for myself what is wrong.

Himeno's POV

Finally the dreaded question was asked. What can I do but to answer truthfully? I can't bear to see the rejection I was so sure that I will see in his eyes. So while he was still deep in his thought, I turned and walked away. Away from him, away from my deepest desire. I stumbled down the stairs and out of his house, calling upon the gate and returned to Earth. Mechanical, I went through my usual routines. I went home, cleaned up, changed and left for work. All of these were done absentmindedly, and with a blank face. When I got to the home, I greeted my colleagues and patients, changed into my uniform, clocked in and went through my work. Today there's no smile and is very, very absentminded. Concerned, the head nurse granted me the half day off, so I went home at lunch time. As I walked through the street, I bought some food and went home straightaway. I opened the door and placed down my stuff. I changed into my pyjama and went to sleep. I'm so tired of thinking, I would rather deal with my nightmare...

Sasame's POV

I saw her going through her routines with a blank face. She went to work but was sent back at lunch time. I see her wandering the street, bought some food and went home. When I was sure that she had fallen asleep, I teleported into her room. I sat down on a chair and observed her face when she sleeps. She seems to be having a nice dream before it turns into a nightmare. She began to toss and turn on the bed, mumbling. Suddenly she waked up screaming. She sprung up from her bed and landed on the floor, panting heavily. She turned her head and noticed me sitting there. "Why are you here?" she asked. "I need to talk to you." I replied. "What is there to talk about? Your heart is always Takako's. I can't do anything about it. If I can have this my way, you will never find out and I will die in peace without your interruption." She whispered, as she stood up slowly and sat down on her bed. Urgh! Why can't she let me finish? "YOU listen to me! Who says that my heart will always be Takako's? I admit that she once held my heart in her hands, but she broke it when she fell in love with Hayate. I mended it. It may be cracked but it is still my heart. When I met you, I was about to hand you my heart but I see that Hayate was interested in you. So I never tell you anything. I was interested in you when I first met you, I knew I was falling in love when I first prêt with you. But for your sake, I gave you up. I don't even remember the reason why? But then I felt that I'm not worthy of you, that Hayate was a much more suitable choice. Now that you said "I love you' to me, I am going to hand you my heart. It's a rather damaged and battered heart; can you please heal it with your love?" I plea. Now that I had got this off my chest, I feel so nervous and anxious. Now that she knows the whole story, will she accept my love and heart? When she finally shook her head, I feel crushed. She won't accept! Before I can get even more depressed, she said, "I'm willing to accept your heart and love, but are you willing to accept mine?" I'm so happy that she is willing to accept my heart but why couldn't I accept her? I just nodded and motioned for her to continue. She continued, "I do like you when we first met, but you seem to treat me as your imouto only. That was why I refrained from telling you of my feeling. When you confessed that you love Takako, my heart splintered and shattered. And when you gave up the right of a Liefe Knight to become Takako's knight, my heart felt like it had been grounded into fine dust. I saw that you are willing to anything, even die, for Takako; I am convinced that you truly love her. I froze my heart because there is no way to mend it. It is practically unmendable. I got to admit that when Hayate broke up with me, it hurts. But it is nothing when compared to the pain of knowing that you are living happily with Takako in Liefenia. The feeling of uselessness comes back, I recalled the times when I feel useless. Then memories of you come flooding back, threatening to drown me. It breaks down each and every layer of ice I had wrapped around my heart. Memories even invaded my dreams, but each and everyone end up with Takako accusing me of wanting to steal your heart. No matter what I was thinking about, my thoughts always drifted back to you. I see that you and the other knights are so busy; I don't want to bother you. I was so depressed yesterday, the suicide had come across my mind and I accept it. Your heart needs healing, but my heart needs rebuilding. Are you willing to accept the work that comes with loving me? Would you?" she asked. "Himeno, there is no need to reconsider. If you love me, that is enough for me. I don't care how much work there are, if you re willing to help. We can succeed. Are you willing?" I implored. She nodded with a small smile that melts my heart. I feel like I am floating on clouds nine. By loving me, Himeno had already started the healing.

Himeno's POV

When Sasame ask me whether I will accept his heart and heal it, I was very, very happy. Of course, I am willing to accept. But how about mine? Is he willing to heal it? I shake my head, wanting him to listen to me. But he seems to think that I won't accept his heart. Before he can get more depressed, I continued. His reply made me feel so loved, "Himeno, there is no need to reconsider. If you love me, that is enough for me. I don't care how much work there are, if you re willing to help. We can success. Are you willing?" With these words, I can do nothing but to nod and smile, lest I burst into tears. He placed me down on the bed and striped down to his shirt and boxer, and climbed into the bed with me. I am glad that he decided to do so. I know that I will not have any nightmare because I know he is here. I felt my eyelids getting heavier and heavier. Before I fall asleep, I chastely kiss his lips, cuddled closer and mumbled, "Aishiteru, Sasame…" I heard his reply, "Aishiteru, Himeno…" before he gently kissed me on my forehead. I fell into a dreamless sleep.

Three months later

"Where are you bringing me to, Sasame? Can't you just give me a clue?" Himeno whined. Sasame just chuckled and said, "It's a surprise! Can't you be a little patient?" Himeno just pouted. Sasame leaned in and gave Himeno a short kiss before leading her towards an unknown location. Sasame took off the blindfold when they reached the place, "Now open your eyes!" They are in a clearing in the forest where you can see the stars and the moon clearly. Tonight, the velvet sky is filled with thousands of stars and a full moon. "It's so… beautiful… Thanks for showing me this, Sasame!" Himeno whispered and tip toed up to kiss him. Sasame gently deepened the kiss, soon both run out of breath and had to break apart, panting heavily. Together, they set up the picnic basket that they had brought along. They sat down on the blanket to eat and admired the beautiful night sky. Sasame suddenly moved to kneel in front of Himeno and said, "Himeno, can you please forgive for every pain that I had caused you?" He asked suddenly. "Of course, but if only you forgive me for the pain I had caused also. Now get up! Don't just kneel there." Himeno said. "Of course I forgive you. I have forgiven you ever since you accept my love. Just one more question to ask before I get up", Sasame replied. "What is it?" Himeno asked curiously. "Will you make the happiest person in both Liefenia and Earth by marrying me?" Sasame pull out a dark indigo box and open it up to show a slender white gold ring with a ruby tulip. "I… I… Of course I will…" cried Himeno, throwing her arms around his neck in a tight hug. Sasame slipped the ring onto Himeno's finger before pulling her into a long, passionate kiss while wiping away her tears. A lavender light flared from Sasame before enveloping the both of them and absorbs by Himeno, then a light pink light flared from Himeno to return the favor. The ritual of soul-bonding is done. With this ritual, Sasame and Himeno are soul-bonded till forever and eternity.

To end this fairytale-like story, they lived happily ever after for each and every lifetime.

_Haha... This is the third time I had re-edit the fic and done some minor changes... Hope that it's easier to read now... But it's still the same old lame ending... For those who is re-reading this, hope you like the improvement... For those who are reading this for the first time, please give some comments... _


End file.
